Baloney Stew

This morning as I was browsing posts on Facebook, I happened to find a link to a blog by Jen Hatmaker. Many thanks to Kathleen McCarthy for posting the link, because I've just found some excellent reading material. Before reading further, please check out "Worst End of School Year Mom Ever" and laugh while you identify with Hatmaker's underwhelming mom skills.

Actually, she looks like a woman who has it all together.

School is out for the Remler family, but reading Hatmaker's post reminded me of our own end of school year project, one that didn't quite make it off the ground at home or in the classroom. It was the dreaded recipe assignment.

Note to teachers everywhere: Please do not assign your kids to cook. If you do that, what you're really doing is giving parents homework. Take note: We've passed grade school. Please don't make us relive it.

Actually, the recipe assignment is a chore for kids younger than fifth grade. Once they get to be Lawson's age, they can pretty much prepare the dishes on their own (depending on the recipe), but guess who gets to go to the grocery store? Guess who gets to buy all that food? Guess who gets to make sure the middle schooler doesn't destroy the kitchen with boiled over pots, broccoli stalks down the disposal, and milk spilled in the cracks between the cabinets where it can fester and make the kitchen smell like the bottom of a McDonald's dumpster?

Mom.

So this year, Lawson's social studies teacher gave out an assignment requiring students to 1) pick out a recipe that reflects their family culture and 2) prepare that dish and bring it to school for the class to sample. The recipe was due one day. Then the teacher was going to assign students certain days to bring their prepared dishes to the classroom.

Lawson could have made a Lebonese dish, but I don't know how to make tabbouleh. That's Stephen's side of the family, and I couldn't help noticing that he got really quiet as soon as Lawson brought up the recipe assignment. My side of the family is as white bread as they come. And I don't know how to make white bread either.

On top of that problem was the fact that this project came home close to the end of the school year. Like Jen Hatfield, I was done. Actually, I was done with being a school mom around October 15, 2006. So Lawson and I decided to tackle this recipe project from a different angle. We reconsidered the term family culture and defined it not as ethnicity or nationality, but what it means to be a Lawson. Then I pulled out the cookbook of the First United Methodist Church of Hawkinsville, Georgia and showed Lawson his grandfather's recipe for baloney stew.

"You can tell your teacher it's been in the family for generations," I said.

Here's the recipe Lawson took to school:

Baloney Stew

3 lb. balogna

2 med. onions

1 med. bell pepper

1 can LeSuer peas

Tobasco sauce

6 carrots

1 large can Niblet's corn

2 med. cans stewed tomatoes

2 large Idaho potatoes

Worcestershire sauce

1/2 stalk celery

Dice bologna into 1/2" blocks; symmetry is important and attention to this detail will enrich the flavor of the stew. Place bologna blocks into a large pan, cover with non-flouridated spring water and soak at low heat. Meanwhile, slice carrots into little round pieces about 3/8" thick; cut celery into little pieces (size not important); and reduce potatoes to bite-sized chunks. Stir carrots, celery, and potatoes into pot with meat. Cut onions (peel if desired) and place in pot. Cut bell pepper into 9 pieces and place on top of onions. Add corn, tomatoes, and peas. If you have any okra, put that in too. Fill pot with water; add some Wooster sauce and shake the bottle of Tobasco 2 or 3 times inside the pot. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook for a while, stirring infrequently. Stew is done when it feels right. Serves 22 ladies, 8 men or a dozen small boys. Note:  If stew is too thin, throw in a couple handfuls of Cheerios and some grits. Cheerios will thicken it up faster, but grits will give it more body.

This one was obviously not too thin, because I see no Cheerios or grits.

 

As Lawson's teacher sorted through the students' recipes, she found Lawson's and gave it a quick read. She said that his dish would be "very interesting" to try out on the day he brought it to school. I can't help noticing that Lawson's recipe sampling day never came. I think his teacher was done with school too.

So, Jen Hatmaker, you're not alone. Mothers of the world unite, not only at the end of the school year, but sometimes at the beginning and middle too. If your kids ever have to cook something for school, you're welcome to borrow the Baloney Stew recipe.