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How I Won Project Runway. Well, Kind Of

After 44 years of no effort, I have finally won some sort of beauty contest. Or maybe it was a fashion show. I'm not really sure what it was. But this is how it went down:

My friend Jodi invited me and several other girlfriends to a ladies' weekend at her beautiful, hundred year-old house on Richardson Creek, where we relaxed and played games in her beautifully maintained hundred year-old dock house while we watched the sun go down over the marsh.


The highlight of the weekend was our own Project Runway. On the invitations, Jodi instructed all of us to make a dress out of a bed sheet, but no togas were allowed. The dresses would be modeled and judged on Saturday night.

Overwhelmed with work, my boys' athletic schedules, and the GACE exam, which I had to take Saturday (That's another story), I put the invitation on my desk and almost immediately forgot about making the sheet dress. So when I arrived at Jodi's house Friday, all the other women began chatting about the dresses they made out of sheets, and I thought, Oh, doo-doo. I have to make a dress tonight!

After dinner, drinks, and several rounds of Left, Right, Center (a great game of dice), I went home at 11:30 and rummaged through my linen closet, eventually finding two king-sized pillow cases that I hurriedly fashioned into a dress. I didn't quite finish putting it together, so after the GACE exam, I rushed home again, whipped a few more stitches into the skirt, shoved it into my bag, and returned to Jodi's, where I found Joni, Cyndi, Jodi, Sheri, and Mary Beth bedecked in beautiful frocks they'd worked on for the past several weeks. They all looked like they were ready for a cocktail party. Or a fashion show.


I, on the other hand, resembled a mash-up of June Cleaver's mother in-law and Eunice from Mama's Family.

Project Runway was the only part of the weekend to which men were invited. Husbands and beaux served as the judges for the competition. Stephen had the honor of playing the guy from Price Waterhouse who tallied all the points. All five of us sashayed across the dock, doing our best runway walk, while Bear, Barry, Buddy, and Stephen painstakingly scored our outfits and our modeling skills. Then, all a-jitter (and all a-shiver--it was, after all, a cool October evening), we ladies stood in a row holding hands and nervously awaiting the crowning moment.

Stephen finished his addition, reviewed the results, and said, "Wait. I have to double check these numbers. Something isn't right."

By that time we women were all turning blue, but finally Stephen finished and said, "Huh. I guess my numbers were right the first time after all." Then he announced the winners. The second runner up was Joni in her black, Holly Golightly inspired gown. The first runner up was Jodi, in her Harley-Davidson biker girl frock. "And the winner is," Stephen said, shaking his head in disbelief, "Nancy."

Invoking the Miss America pageants I'd watched for years on TV, I squealed with joy as the other women handed me the first place trophy, a bottle of Savannah Bee Company honey. And Stephen furrowed his brow and said, "I don't understand how that happened. You won an ugly contest."

I have to say, I was a little perplexed myself, but this is how it happened. We were judged in four categories: creativity, attitude, inspiration, and "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly." At the bottom of the score sheet was the following note: "The good-bad-ugly score reflects your overall presentation of a good idea with a bad execution. Ugly shoe bonus point!"




These were my shoes.



Together with the dress that strongly resembled Cyndi's granmother's old kitchen curtains, I scored so big in the "good, bad, ugly" category that my overall scores overshadowed everyone else's. Hence the bottle of honey.

Although I'm proud of this honor, I'm also delighted that Joni and Jodi are my second and first runner ups. If for any reason I am ever unable to fulfill my responsibilities (whatever those are) as the first annual Bryant Dock Project Runway queen, I feel confident that Jodi and Joni will be able to replace me.

Meanwhile, I'll start preparing now for next year. I have to come up with a costume for a famous Mary. I'm taking suggestions now.

Oh, P.S. Stephen's score sheet gives Cyndi Billac Arnsdorff the highest score.

A Really Good Saturday

October's here. And the Remlers found much to smile about during this October weekend:

1. First, we're still on cloud nine about Lawson's recent pass interception during the St. Peter's home coming game (see the posting below).
   
2. Next, we traveled to middle Georgia, where Davis ran in the Bleckley Invitational cross country meet. (He finished in under 21 minutes. Not bad, Davis!)
   
3. Afterward, we went to Harley's house,where we met our newest relative, Garrison (we like to call him Karl).
   
   
   
4. Then we had a tasty lunch with Hugh and BB, followed by some outdoor activities, during which Hugh and Davis played Lacrosse and Lawson flipped on the trampoline.
   
   
   
   
5. Meanwhile, in Athens the Georgia Bulldogs returned from their recent vacation to an alien planet and actually won an SEC game.
6. Before departing, we made a stop at our favorite butchery, M&T Meats, on the Lower River Road in Hawkinsville, Georgia. We picked up some marinated pork chops, ground beef, bread and butter chips, and four jars of mild chow chow. Oh, and we can't leave M&T without picking up a bottle of Miss Alma's barbecue sauce (Davis's favorite).
   
7. Supplied with protein and pickles, we drove home listening to the final minutes of the Georgia-Tennessee game and the opening minutes of the Alabama-South Carolina Game. To our delight, we also got to hear Bud Light Real Men of Genius ads--family favorites that we haven't heard in several years.

But now we're in a quandary. Should we be disappointed Steve Spurrier's team won or happy Nick Saban's team lost? Who knows? One thing's for sure: there are lots of pouting people in Alabama tonight. But the Remlers are happy folks.

'Tis the (Football) Season

Last year I wrote a blog about football because I finally realized that if I wanted any of my husband's attention from September through December, I'd have to know what a running back was. I learned a lot. I had fun with that blog, and I gained a few fans too!

But I'm not writing Learning the Dawgs any more because the 2010 college football season has given me little to write about. Well, with respect to the game anyway. I guess over the summer I could have written about Damon Evans's misfortune. And in August I could have weighed in on A. J. Green's venture into the clothing market. But what I really wanted was to see the Dawgs play some ball.

I'm still waiting.

Meanwhile, I've watched a few other teams play, but it's hard to keep up with who's who on every team. I did happen to walk into the kitchen at the end of the LSU-Tennessee game last weekend, just in time to catch what my friend Jack refers to as "the worst example of coaching in football history." I see Jack's point, but I think the players have to take some responsibility there too. Even I can count to 13.

Later that night, AJ Green returned to the field, only to leave it again in the third quarter due to leg cramps, and his teammate, who suffered an unfortunate leg injury, left the stadium in tears. Not tears of pain. Tears of rage. I found that image unbecoming a college football player.

So this season, college ball doesn't get much attention from me. I have watched a little high school ball, but really what I have enjoyed this year has been middle school football, specifically the St. Peter the Apostle Rams. Those boys put their hearts and souls into that game.

Thursday, October 7, was the St. Peter's homecoming game. I sat through the junior varsity game and the varsity game, and I got more excited in those two matches of football than I have during any of Georgia's games this year. Some players of the St. Peter's Rams are worth noting:

#22 Casey Hughes: This eighth grader runs on winged feet. If he's not carrying the ball, he's not far behind it. Even if the other team has the ball. St. Peter's would kick off, and the ball would sail 70 yards, and Casey Hughes would already be right underneath it, ready to pounce on the poor opponent who caught it. He's like Speedy Gonzales with shoulder pads. Last night Stephen said he hopes Benedictine is ready for this boy next year (They ought to be; they sure could use him). But I think Hughes is talented enough for even some colleges to take notice.

#25 Drew Tison: In sixth grade, this junior varsity player can do it all. I've seen him run, pass, catch, and tackle. I think I may have seen him kick, too. Last night, when quarterback Adam King sat out to treat an injury, Drew Tison filled in. That's how versatile he is. I've seen Drew plow through a defensive line like a Visagoth, and I've seen him pat his teammates on the back and congratulate them on good plays. I love to watch Drew on the field because he's not only a good player, but he's also a well-rounded good kid.

#8 Lawson Remler: Always understated, Lawson has never sought the football limelight. He's happy just to be on the field with his buddies (and to wear his jersey to school on game days). But last night Lawson surprised us all with his pass interception against the Country Day Hornets. One of the offensive Hornets threw a long pass to a receiver, and out of nowhere here came Lawson, and as if he were a ball magnet, he grabbed that pigskin and ran for a first down for the Rams. I have never cheered so loud in my life, and I know maternal bias is kicking in here, but that was the most beautiful play I've ever seen.

What I can say about all the St. Peter the Apostle Rams is that they're old enough to play an interesting game, but they're too young to be consumed by what football can do for them. They're just full of team spirit and heart. And they can play. Some. Ball.

Weekend Activities

Vaccinations: I have been so slack about my children's health this year (it's easy to be when they're so healthy) that I procrastinated too long in getting them immunized. So Tuesday St. Peter the Apostle sent home a letter saying that if I didn't update Lawson's chicken pox vaccine, he couldn't return to school. So off to the doctor's office we went. Lawson hasn't seen the pediatrician since he was, say, four. So Dr. Jones took the opportunity to give Lawson a complete physical. I had told Lawson he only had to have one shot. Instead, he had to have his finger pricked, give a urine sample, do push ups and perform duck walks across the room. Then Dr. Jones announced that in addition to the chicken pox update, Lawson was also due for his meningitis vaccine, his updated tetanus shot, a Guardisil vaccine and a flue vaccine. As the doctor listed each immunization, Lawson's face grew paler and paler. Let's just say he was not pleased with Dr. Jones or me when the ordeal was over. So when we finally made it back to the car, Lawson reported, "I want some balloons."

My reply?

"No problem."

What else could I say?

So off we went to my now favorite store, The Dollar Tree.

I had no idea the ways Lawson would be able to amuse himself with a $1 package of balloons. First, he fastened them to the dart board and set them up for target practice. But he tired of that really fast. Besides, the darts kept sticking into the garage wall. So he took his new targets outside. Because the wind kept blowing the balloons away, he hooked them onto a fishing line. Then he swapped out the darts for garden trowels (and a bat and a shovel). Those were some strong balloons. Several times he hit his target but didn't pop it. The videos below reveal his progress (and a little frustration). He had fun and simultaneously vented his hostility toward that mean old syringe-bearing doctor.







A New Money-Making Venture: This afternoon, Lawson graciously accompanied me to see The Social Network, an excellent movie, I must say. While I enjoyed it, though, Lawson found it rather hard to follow, with its frequent flashbacks. On the way home, though, we discussed how lucrative Facebook became, once the company found investors. Lawson was unimpressed by Mark Zuckerberg's success, though. He had a better idea: To paint my car like a dip cone and advertise for Dairy Queen.

According to Lawson, "A car painted like a dip cone will get attention wherever it goes." The boy's got a point, though I think accomplishing the curlicue on the end will be a challenge. I think right now he's looking up the number to Dairy Queen's corporate headquarters.